Cowman

It was Halloween Night at the University of Georgia circa 1986.... the birth of the "Cowman".

{ the Cowman speaks after 23 years of silence }

[ here's the image from our Halloween party that gave the Cowman inspiration to come forward ]

"Thanks Greg for making this part of my past memory rush back to me again.

I still can't believe I spoke to Chapel in the way that I did at our 5-Points apartment party that night. In the heat of my dark basement-bovine intoxication, and as Jay propped himself against the opposing cinder block wall, I asked that poor innocent farm girl to milk me (forcefully). Shameful I know. There were many reasons why this was wrong. But there were also many reasons why this needed to be said when it was said. For one, my udders were painfully swollen at that moment. Number two, Chapel had captured our attention from day one as someone who might just, surprisingly, wear leopard skin at the end of the day. Three, I was simply destined to behave badly that night.

The remarkable part of it all was that I didn't wrap my silver Mazda B-2000 pickup around a telephone pole that night. You guys still have no idea what is was like to drive blind into Jefferson County and end up 4-wheeling down a railroad track (why the hell not?) until your vehicle bottomed out. Then, after relieving myself of a small gutfull of clear vomit, I comically tried to sneak out of the brush in my stuper, only to find the stock boys and truck drivers at the loading dock laughing at my pink-dyed brown spotted long johns and fairy boots. (Udders were long gone at that point thankfully.) My drunkeness offered a formidable shield against the embarrassment and ridicule. As I hid next to the Kobel Milk factory entrance road crouched in the low grass, believing I was somehow invisible, an exiting truck driver/angel called out to me in the night -- "Hey You! If you want to get out of here GET IN!!!!" All I can remember is that he said he had "been there before" and to keep low so nobody saw me. While leaning low and taking the first corner I burped another mouthfull of hot sauce -- but swallowed it like a man. I was alive."

 

- memoirs of the Cowman

 

( posted Oct. 19, 2009 )